its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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