grandma shit on top of the toilet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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