Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
