my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
