Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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