Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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