it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
