i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
