my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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