So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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