I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
