i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
