She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
