dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
