The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
