I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
