Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
