Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
