I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
