dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
