I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
