She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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