You know, be my cock's hype man.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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