Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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