You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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