Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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