There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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