OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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