It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
