It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
