im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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