Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
