Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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