some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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