moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
