she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
