her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
