he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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