how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
