when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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