I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
