yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
