I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
