so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I lost the right to judge tonight
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
