She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
