a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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