Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
