Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize