I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you would pick up someone in the library
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
