I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize