Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
