Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
