may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
