Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
