Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
