Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
