New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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