On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
