Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
