first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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