Nicole vs. Life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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