Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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