lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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