i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
