she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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