Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
