I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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