yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
