I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
