I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
