i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
