i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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