She is in my trunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
