Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize