She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
