i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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