dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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