the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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