You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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