Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
