Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
