the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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