I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
