part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize