but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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