I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
