if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
