where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
