2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
