in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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