I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
