what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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