every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
