3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize