You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
