The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
