You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
