Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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