do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
