well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
