so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
