at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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