What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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