last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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