Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
