Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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