Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
