this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
