1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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