Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How's work?
Spinning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
