He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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