Soap is not a condiment
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
