The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
