omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
