booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize