He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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