she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
