If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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