You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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