I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
