I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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