You can't motorboat a personality
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
