my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
