This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
