you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
