So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
