I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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