Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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