How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
