maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
