i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My ass is underappreciated
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
