If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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