omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
