my sisters under your porch take her home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
