I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
