I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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