I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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